Sunday 25 June 2017

Circle of Life

Take what you want, God said to man, and pay for it - Spanish Proverb

Recently, in a corporate training session, one of those beharioural sessions on ‘leadership and motivation’ which one mostly yawns and role-plays his way through, I took away something interesting. It articulated concisely something I had already known for some time. In a way that is the purpose of these sessions - to give structure to our confused, over-wrought mind, which knows a lot but understands little. Anyway, this is the model -


There are 5 things which are important in life for anybody - Family & Friends, Money, Career, Health and Hobbies. All these things require effort - some less, some more, but sizeable cumulative effort (unless of course one is already endowed with some of these such as born into a rich family, or with genetically good health). Another big reality of life is that not all of these are achievable, given the constraints of time and energies (as is philosophically said ‘You cannot have everything in life’). And I think that is true for entire humanity, and has been since beginning. Only in rare cases for someone extraordinarily gifted can he/she target all these. For a vast majority, only some of these are attainable.

So the big point is to prioritise - which of these to go for. This is the big life planning - to say that I want my relations (family & friends), my health and my hobbies. But, since we are talking about life, things cannot be so simple. The ponderables are -

  • Some choices will be forced. It is not easy to do without money, at least some of it. So following money can become important, at least for some part of the life. Most unfortunate is the person who does not even have the power to chose any of these.
  • Life can throw curve-balls - what if you are diagnosed with some disease which requires immediate attention. Or some family member needs greater attention, requiring one to withdraw from other pursuits.
  • Career and money are largely inter-linked but career can mean doing something one truely believes in or likes without attaching the monetary value. For instance, an engineer may work with an advanced technology company even if it pays less, because greater learning gives the most satisfaction. Or somebody may work as a nurse (bless them!) because he/she truely believes in healing. For some, the job may not mean only money but also contributing to the society or doing something worthwhile, for oneself and for others.   
  • Priorities will keep changing over the course of life. So at one point, career and money may be important while at another, health and family. It may seem that this way all can goals be achieved. But I think there is some trade-off. Relentless pursuit of money/career will take toll on health which is irreversible later on. In such instance health can only be managed in later stages of life, but not fully mastered. Similarly career and money would come by in good measure only if they are followed brutally at the expense of relations and health.
  • Family is considered a given - you can always go back to your parents even after ignoring them for some time (mostly!). But relationships will also get fractured or lose warmth if not given adequate time during other pursuits. And friends (not the quid-pro-quo ones) are more difficult. Maintaining friendships requires time and letting go of part of oneself.   
  • Hobbies look the easiest to let go off (to many that is). Mostly they are for our convenience and thus dispensable. But they can have great value - nourishment of mind and heart. They can be extremely therapeutic and cleansing. For some (say a blogger) following of hobby may become a biggest pursuit.   

So there is a lot to think. But this model is a good reference point to keep evaluating and making choices at different stage of life (school, college, advanced education, job, business, marriage, kids, retirement, senility etc.)
But the biggest caveat of following this model is - ‘No guilt!!’ Many a times, guilt is a trap which we fall into, because we forget. This model says that once you have made choices, do not let guilt of not achieving the other things haunt you. Always remember that it was your conscious choice. If you have decided to go to gym every day for an hour instead of spending that hour in office to please the superiors and it gives you just an average career and average income, so be it. Then do not compare your career with your peers and rue any underachievement. Or you may focus on career and money and find that you have only perfunctory relations.

Whatever it is - no guilt. There is only so much an individual can do and burden of guilt should not be added to the list.   

Have you already decided what you are going for!

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