The Health Diary - Part I

You are sweating profusely. The T-shirt is clinging to the body. The small towel is of no use anymore. You are breathless. Your throat is parched. You are sticky and stinking. Yet you don’t want to stop or lie down. You are walking heartily. You are gulping air, through your nose. You are exhausted, excited, hopeful, all in equal measure. A strange calmness and brightness is the end of most physical workout sessions.

  

At some level, I believe in extreme self-interest. Every individual is so self centered that nobody else matters, be it parents, spouse, kids, or friends. Many of life’s challenges, one has to face oneself, and the only companion is one’s body. In advancing age, when many social support systems can falter, the body is what stands. Conversely, it can be a very lonely life if the body does not support a person, despite having many people around. The read somewhere - ‘be healthy, you cannot have a happy life if you are unwell’. I hold to the maxim dearly.

I believe in doing everything to preserve my body. For someone who has been physically inactive during the formative years, this was a big leap. Somehow an idea got ingrained very early that I am innately an unfit person. Pursuing fitness was like a parallel, alien, mutually exclusive universe. But the last decade and a half have been about constantly finding ways to get better. It gradually descended on me that fitness is not a parallel world. It has to coexist.

Broadly there are two aspects to fitness - a physical exercise routine, and diet (there is a third aspect as well - emotional quotient, mental state, attitudes and beliefs, social relations etc. which can all contribute to mental well-being, but not delving into that here). The relative importance of these two is a subject of constant debate, just like with most things related to fitness. While it is considered that diet has a bigger role, still both are important. Especially when one is talking about staying fit and not just about reducing weight. Staying fit is a broader, continuous endeavour.

The extent of information around fitness is humongous. It is hard not to find a newspaper article everyday. And largely it confuses. One, because fitness is a vast topic with complex interplay of numerous causes and effects. Two, because fitness is an individual trait and each person’s body is different. There are many gaps in understanding the factors, or genetic codes, which cause the differences between individuals. Even if we decode the genetic differences, it will likely be a large pool of genes which are at play. Thus it is tricky to be able to cover all aspects of fitnesses concisely in one, or even a reasonable set of formulae.

When it comes to regimen of physical exercise, there are many schools. Yoga, weight training, cardio, HIIT, routines like zumba, pilates, tai chi and many more. Each has its pros and cons and there are sworn proponents of each. I belong to the camp which says ‘Anything goes’. If staying fit is the goal, I believe any of these is fine. But if there is a specific target, say building muscles, training for a particular sport, for trekking, or for marathoning, then a particular routine may be more appropriate.

I am happy that I have tried different things at different times. And I am willing to try more. I believe that as long as I am able to devote an hour daily to a reasonably strenuous physical exercise, I am good. Not having any specific target keeps the mind free. Important point is to define ‘strenuous’? I do not consider walking, even brisk walking (I can do 7 km in 1 hour) to be sufficiently strenuous. I read somewhere that if one is able to sing while doing a physical activity, then that is a low intensity activity. If one is not able to sing but able to talk, then that is a moderate intensity activity. And if one is not even able to talk, then that is ‘high intensity’ activity. It is a reasonable benchmark which allows for individual differences. If not high intensity, I do target moderate intensity at least. Another personal checkpoint for me is the extent of sweating. Because I sweat easily, if I have not sweated well at the end of a 45 minutes session (even in Delhi winters), it means that I have not exerted sufficiently. On the other hand, there are few feelings of pure joy, and contentment which match the end of a routine when I am continuously wiping sweat.

This leads to another guiding principle - the level of fitness is not (just) the extreme level one reaches but rather how fast one can cool down. I check how quickly my breathing returns to normal.

Initially, jogging was the only exercise I would do. Interest in it started with the plan to run a half marathon (HM) around eight years back. In order to prepare for it, I started to jog regularly. I still remember the peak I hit was when I ran for 1 hour 12 minutes without a break. I have not repeated that since. Still I am proud that my HM timings have been on a downward trend against advancing age - from peak of 2:48 in 2011 to low of 2:11 in 2018. It is nice to sermonise about HM. People are so apprehensive about it. I maintain that anybody with even minor fitness can do it. I have seen many finish it without any practise. And practise itself is not that intense. I have never run a HM in practise, not even half of it. What helps is consistent exercising.    

Exercising can be a strange beast. The body feels differently everyday. It is not unusual when a workout feels great, movements feel effortless, and you feel like carrying on for more hours. Or days when the opposite happens - when you have to cajole the body to move, when it is a strain to fill each minute. This can be even stark for high intensity workout like jogging. Agree, there are factors like levels of stress, sleep, diet, etc. But still there is an element of mystery to how different each day can be. When the body is in sync, then a workout is sheer exhilaration. Few things can beat that thrill and satisfaction. The key remains to find a rhythm. This is something I keep saying to myself while jogging, to find a steady state of breathing, motion, evenness of thought.

This mystery around body is what makes the world of sports - all elite sportsmen practise relentlessly, but there is an uncertainty over what version will turn up on a given day. They will talk about something not feeling right from the word go, or vice versa. The best of them are able to put these differences aside and bring their best version most often. Most of the adjustment is mental - ‘mind over matter’, a clunky cliche but one which I strongly subscribe to. Any workout requires as much of mental input as physical. These are like two parallel systems which need to be in sync for the workout. My mind is constantly reading my body signals - rate of breath, niggling pain in knees, shoulder, middle back etc, or a nauseating feeling. In response I have to tell my mind to convince my body to keep going. That is ‘mind over matter’, to be able to control the body through mind.

Both mind as well as body are stronger and more flexible than we realise, it is just that we are not able to push them further or do not know how to manipulate them. If I start a weight training with a repetition target of 15, I would typically start feeling tired at 11 or 12. But if I start initially with the thought of doing 20, the fatigue sets in usually after 15. Over time, we fix the repetition levels of most workouts - jogging rounds, weights, time to hold a position. Breaking that benchmark is difficult, because it requires mental rewiring. The brain has to be reprogrammed upfront that today I am going to run 55 minutes instead of the usual 45. Even then, it would not be easy. At 45 minutes, the body would start sending frantic signals to the mind to stop. I have felt it so often, and so strongly, like there is another person inside. At that point, I am shouting to my mind and my mind to my body to just keep going. I have catchphrases for myself for such occasions, like Robert Frost’s ‘woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep’, or something like ‘I have plenty of miles in my legs still’, Yet, there are occasions when the body wins.

Many-a-times, it is the brain itself which is the trouble maker. It starts with a mental niggle, a thought like ‘I did not sleep well last night’, ‘Yesterday was a stressful day at work’, or ‘the weather is too hot and humid today’. It creeps in like a malware, and then it starts to multiply and expand, threatening like an alien. And it easily controls the body which is looking to yield at the slightly pretext. I have to force myself to not let such thoughts enter my system before a workout.

MoM as a construct is infallible. Because MoM applies when the chips are down, it has no role when the body is strong and the mind is calm. It is about fighting it out. My most HMs are examples of MoM at some level. Sleep is scarce on the night before the HM because of the nervous energy flowing through the body. And then one has to start early. Yet HM is completed. I call this ‘running on adrenaline’. It is the excitement of mind, the pull of the target, the determination generated from the non-negotiability of the event, which makes one complete it. An equally important factor is the environment. The combined energy of thousands of co-runners, the comfort of knowing that there are others who are sharing your miseries (many are smiling), the inspiration from those who are dragging themselves to do better, the awe of performers beyond your own capabilities, the unexplained urge to do better than somebody whom you do not know at all - all these factors help in overcoming the HM.  

Another way to think of MoM is what I call ‘running through the pain barrier’. It is about enduring pain to such an extent that it ceases to matter. If anything, I have felt that while running, many of the niggles which I feel before or during, actually vanish as I keep going.

Yoga is an enriching experience. Ideally I should have a teacher, but like most things, I trudge alone. Book by BKS Iyengar is a great guide. Although 60% of the asanas in that are unthinkable for me, but the rest 40% are sufficient to last me a long time, if not a lifetime. Yoga is a vast, multifaceted discipline. The purpose is not to exhaust like a gym routine, yet it can give a complete test, stress to the body. In fact, it can leave one energised, although I am yet to reach that stage.

For most physical workouts, breathing is a parallel element. It is about controlling the breath while doing an exercise. That makes the exercise more effective. Also, it keeps the mind active. In yoga, breath or shwas is an essential component. It flows through the body and acts as a conduit. What is required is to be able to feel it, and then control it. I was told by a yoga instructor that yoga teaches to breathe only through the nose. The mouth has to remain shut throughout. I am practicing that. To be able to do that during cardio routines such as running would need a lot of practise. In yoga controlling the breathe is an advanced form, called pranayama. I find deep breathing highly therapeutic. But it is an intense physical and mental exercise which is tough to master.  

Yoga is about union of body, mind and soul. Mindfulness is a fancy, fad, term. But in yoga or working out, it can be especially useful. It would mean being in the moment, to focus on movement of each part of the body, how the muscles are moving, how to balance the breathing. Bringing mind into a workout improves concentration. Another aspect of yoga is to perfect each posture, which involves recognition of the fact that even minor movement, the slightest twitch, can make a huge difference. I am still to perfect the toe-touch or padangusthasana because I am not able to keep my knees ram-rod erect. In most exercises we inadvertently introduce cheat movements which make them easier. But correct posture, to the minutest detail, is everything. It may be the fulcrum of the whole exercise, that tiny muscular movement which can multiply the difficulty level of the routine. It requires relentless practice and persistence with the correct posture, even if initially one does just 20-30% of the exercise.

Yoga differs from a gym routine in that it focuses a lot on balance and flexibility. It is not necessarily about losing weight, becoming lean, or developing muscles. But it is about strengthening and making agile the body one already has. Advanced yoga postures require unimaginable contortions of the body. Or maintaining balance. And all this requires innate strength of the muscles. Headstand is a famous example of a strong and balanced body. Yet, yoga differs from the other disciplines in that tranquility is the end goal. There is a serenity to a well performed asana, like a ballet. It is not brutal or grotesque like a gym workout.

Also, it is not about exhibitionism. It is about using the body, and its balance to attain an evenness of mind, a stability of thought. Achieving a posture is one thing, but holding it for a reasonable period is another. This requires constant interaction between the mind and the body. A still mind can lead to a still body and vice versa. I have an inkling of this concept, and felt it on occasions, but I am a long way from mastering it.      

Most importantly, yoga allows me to be in a park early in the morning. The feeling is indescribable. Even during peak summers, early morning hours are great for mind and body. The air is fresh. The monster which is a megacity has barely woken up, allowing some time to serenity. It is mostly elders who are walking gingerly, or attempting to move their limbs, whatever they can. They permeate calmness and timelessness, a resistance to speed. And there are precocious school going children. Or a flock of pigeons. Amidst this, I feel like I am in a cocoon, on my small patch. The sun bakes, flies irk, grass pricks, dirt clings to the sweaty body, yet the mind is peaceful. Parks are great places just to be.

With any workout, happiness and contentment is mostly the end feeling. The book Superhuman by Rowland Cooper has a chapter on Running. It talks about transcendence - mind elevating to a level that body is overcome. It also talks about how people are able to derive newer meanings of life, find unexplored aspects of self. Of course, any workout is about stretching oneself. Finding reserves of power, endurance, tenacity which we did not know existed. The runners are doing amazing feats - 1000 marathons over 1000 days! It is about pushing to the next level, next kilometer, one more kg of weight. The body will fail, will give up. But will the mind stand up, take guard.   

Control over mind can allow one to control parts of the body as desired. This is the yoga practise of dhyaan, or meditation which follows the aasanas and pranayama in meritocracy. For instance, a common posture is to be able to concentrate on the middle of the forehead. It is as if concentrating on a particular part of the body would heal it. There is a science to it. Erect yet relaxed body, controlled breathing, and a keenly focused mind. It is a beautiful equilibrium. Concentrate so that there is no distraction, all five senses are under control. Focus the mind at one point and direct the breath that is running like life through the body. That state is hard to reach but it gives a feeling of immense power.  

Even though fitness is an individual pursuit, a fight with self, a challenge to self. Yet finding a companion can be a great facilitator. When motivation wavers, or the body starts to falter, presence of another person is a huge boost to the morale. New ideas, new energy flows from the likemindedness, and camaraderie. Not just that, another person adds to the competition, which makes one strive more. While jogging, I try to pick such competitions with a stranger running in the same direction. It instantly elevates the performance - physically the adrenaline rush helps, and mentally it distracts from the fatigue.   

This brings me to an area I am confused about. What should be the state of mind while running -  one of concentration, or of distraction? I have flipped between the two. Ideally, I believe concentration is essential for any exercise - to be able to derive maximum benefit as well as to make it easier. But where running is concerned, I tend to get bogged down by the thought of the run - thoughts of the distance still to be covered, awareness of heavy breathing, aches in the body, all dissuade and fatigue me mentally. On the other hand, if I am able to distract myself with other thoughts, say what happened the day before, or what I plan to do over the coming day, or planning something specific, I tend to forget about running. After some time I realise that I have run a good distance, almost on autopilot. It is not easy because the mind keeps coming back to the body which is sending stress signals. Ideally, I would like to achieve a serenity, a ‘rhythm’ which I keep striving for, where I am running smoothly, my mind is even-tempered. I am not thinking about anything specific. Running is on my mind but it is not absorbing my thoughts.

There are numerous exercise routines, with different purposes. It is difficult to find one routine which can meet all requirements. I like to keep mixing routines, to keep things fresh. I don’t know any perfect recipes. Right now, I am enjoying running and yoga. I want to keep perfecting the asanas I am regularly doing and adding more. I add a bit of cardio routines. Pushups is an effective all-rounder exercise. I want to add some weight training but nothing major. I also want to target specific routines like the handstand, the lizard movement.

A saying on the gym wall - ‘it becomes addictive once you see the results’. It indeed is. Seeing a flattened tummy, toned muscles, easy movements, effortless half marathon, can be intoxicating. Yet, frustrations too are par for the course. In fact more frequent. It is frustrating when you cannot wake up and hit the field, or when you wake up but feel tires, or when you are in the field but do not feel like moving, when you are not able to finish what you planned to do, or when you cannot do a particular routine after attempting for months. But persistence is the key. I am starting to realise that muscles will take months to achieve the desired flexibility. It is a slow process, especially in yoga, especially when you are not taking unnatural help in form of protein supplements. To be able to achieve that one inch of movement can be a long process.   

All in good time. Just keep at it.